my brain ran dumb.

where did all the people i love care about go?

everyone is disappearing when i need them the most.

i love the colours of fall and spring.

summer hurts.

pumpkin ravioli is the best.

i've learned more in the past year, than i've learned in my whole life.

that's not true.

all of high school all of high school and middle school.

who knows?

if i have a daughter, she's going to have Deery Lou everything.

take me to Tokyo.

I don't want miss booze at all.

i look like young Liza Minnelli. kill me.

BIG EYES are beautiful eyes.

"breakout in a moonage daydream oh yeah"

fireworks make m3 jumpy.

change isn't always good. sometimes changing things makes it lose their nostalgia.

lomography.

the snoring is out of control.

try your hardest and prosper in this mixed up world.

kill them with kindness

lose yourself in music, art, dance, creativity.

i still have a hard time believing that i'm going to have a watermelon in my stomach, very soon. <3

my eyes hurt.

my brain ran dumb

get it?

a lie is a lie is a lie.

.realeyesrealizereallies.

wifey, come back to me.

amazetits.

pregnantbewbz.

one love

i love yew.

i love m3.

i love my bun.

<3<3<3<3

wishyouwell

don't knock me for doing the right thing
you're stuck in your ways
i'm moving forward
backward has it's strings tied to your shoes
down, that's where you're going
i'll still bid you well
and i'll still pray for you
your hatred only makes you sad
you'll figure it out
i hope you figure it out.

random like my brain

I've been on such a writing kick lately, which is great because I was suffering from writer's block for what felt like years. I mean, every once in awhile, i'd write something ill, but it was like once every few months. I dunno what inspired me, but I've been writing every day and I'll probably share some stuff on here when I get the balls to. I actually already have, but I'm not telling where. Lot's of private and disturbing stuff, but it's art to me. I would not be able to function if I couldn't write anymore, and it was pissing me off so hard when I had the writer's block. It's probably because I've been recording so much music lately, and also because I'm feeling so wonderful... yes, still.




I'm looking for a second job still, because my job is very unreliable. They'll randomly need me, and then won't need me for a week, so it's obnoxious. East West opened up in h-ton village, i may apply there. frankie and i checked it out over the weekend, and i'm liking it. we'll see what happens. if anyone knows of anywhere hiring, please do tell. preferably anything to do with makeup art, salon receptionist, or retail. tankies kindly.


This song has been in my head all day for some reason, and I have no idea why because I don't think I've listened to it in months... nevertheless, it's a goodie.




I need to start dancing a lot again. It really is my number one love and what I'm best at. I've started taking my girl's belly dancing class, which is amazing, but I can't always get there. I used to choreograph ballet, lyrical, and hiphop, so maybe I'll just dedicate at least 4 hrs a week to doing that. Plus, I'd love to lose this extra weight I gained over the winter. I do wii fit, and my boyf and I go for walks when it's nice, so that will help. But yeah, I need to get back into some dance company or something. Another reason why it sucks to live on long island again, so much more opportunity in the city for the things i love. must move back in the next 2 years. but i honestly feel the most amazing when I'm dancing. I'm so passionate about it.
I need this shirt:




so, i haven't had a phone in over a week. it just decided to stop working over easter weekend. my phone is pretty new too. i had the G1. what ended up happening is my sim card somehow got damaged. so i gave it to my boyfriend since he had a shitty old dinosaur for a phone. now they're sending me the brand new Samsung Behold II for free! I know it's lame to get excited over a cell phone, but I just feel so out of the loop. The hiatus was good though. I should take a hiatus from the internet too.



and lastly, here are some things that I'm lusting after...

Calourette Jewelry


I despise wearing brown, but I want this Emma Cook for Opening Ceremony dress... mostly because I love owls.


Shrek for OPI (so effing cute)



This romper from Obey's summer 2010 collection:


these are crazy, but i adore Jeremy Scott's work!... Jeremy Scott x Adidas Originals Mickey Hi Sneaks:



<3

waking up bugged out

I had the scariest dream last night, and when I woke up, I thought it really happened. I hate that feeling. It's so uncomfortable. But this dream, I swear, it was insane. The beginning, from what i remember, I was at some kind of benefit show and my old dance team and I were performing a hiphop dance in it. My aunt and the rest of the dance instructors were in it too. So, my dance came out dope, blahblahblah. Then my aunt's number came up. Their dance was like a hiphop/gymnastic fusion. My aunt's best friend, Carolyn was in it too. She had to do like a double back flip joint and she fell during it, and broke her neck. I saw her neck break and it like made her face completely distorted. We were all gathered around her and she said she didn't want to go to the hospital because she knew she was dying. Her kids were there, and I swear it was like one of the most horrifying dream that I've ever had. We sat there, holding her hands and watched her die. I can't get the image out of my head, of what her face and neck looked like. I don't think I should be having such lucid dreams. This totally fucked up my morning. Worst nightmare ever.

oh just talky talky

this looks dope!





Loving this song today, "Truth from Fiction"- Supreme Beings of Leisure


Pandora really is the shit!




Sharp

She cuts your soul like a kitchen blade
You'll never be able to compose your thoughts
Her fingernails digging up and down your back
The scars will be there forever
ever
ever
But you love them
They remind you of she
She left you long ago,
but still the scars will never leave
You don't know why you need her so bad
She stabbed you with her sharp tongue
She held you down with her unbreakable stare
You'll never get enough
And she was never really there


<3

swallow your pride

Please do not take life for granted. I know it's cliche, but life is way too short to sweat the small stuff. Forgive and forget. Don't hold grudges. I forgive everyone who has ever wronged me, even if they aren't sorry. I've done some horrible things in the past, and i apologize to everyone that I've ever hurt. Make ammends with people, even if you aren't so fond of them. Hating on people will only weigh heavy on your heart and takes up too much negative energy. It takes more energy to hate someone, then love/like someone. When people pass away, the haters will feel just as bad as the loved ones. I had a revelation very recently, and I honestly pray for everyone I know. Even the people who may not like me or "hate" me. I cannot take anything for granted again. My time may come soon and my loved ones time may come soon, but I will be ready to be at peace with myself and everyone else. I forgive you.




RIP
my daddy, Frankie Santoriello
my aunt patricia
my grandparents and great grand parents
mr. and mrs. kirk
Richie
jeff buckley (for making music that touches my heart, like no other)
mike
rob
Cathi Muse & Angel
any of my loved ones, loved ones

<3

I was just talking to my lady, Drea, and as usual she inspires me to the max. She's a great writer, and I'm rethinking that I should put more personal stuff on my blog. I don't mind people reading my stuff anyway, so why not? I'm so happy for Drea. She seems to be in such a great spot in her life, and she's exudes happiness and beauty. She's about 19 weeks pregnant, engaged to the love of her life, and just doing great things. She is just an amazing and beautiful person, inside and out. I hope to one day be as happy. I love you, Dre.



Speaking of happiness, I am probably the happiest that I've been since childhood, probably. And it's not because of something I'm doing, or because of a significant other... I'm happy with me! I've made SO many mistakes in my life, but I don't regret any of them. They are all learning experiences to me. I'm stronger than I have ever been, I know who my true friends are (and i cherish the shit out of them), I love my amazing family, and I love the person who I am becoming. I know I've hurt a lot of people in my life, and I'm apologetic for that, but everything happens for a reason and I'm okay with that.
Music is touching me like it never has before, as well. I'm recording with some crazy talented artists, singing my ass off, and networking to the fullest. Even if nothing comes out of it, I still feel amazing just being able to share music and perform. I couldn't survive without music, and I'm more passionate about it than anything else (singing & dancing included). I thank God everyday for giving me the ability to love music and be talented with singing and dancing.
I have so much love in my heart lately and I just want to share it with everyone. Even my enemies, who I pray for more on the regular. I don't mind not being liked or hated on, because haters just need help in their lives and hopefully they'll find their way.

Okay, this was a crazy blog update.

<3

Randies love

Modcloth.com is really making me want to make my whole entire wardrobe into vintage dresses. I have quite the collection of 80s prom dresses and 90s sweaters, but I need to get my game up. I'm in love with vintage dresses. I'm itching to go to the thrift store. I just love finding vintage pieces that you know nobody else owns. And you can totally go to a thrift store with 50 bucks and buy a whole new wardrobe. love it. Let's thrift!




I'm absolutely in love with cake art, thanks to "Cake Boss". I think I'm going to try my hand at it. First project, something simple, maybe a cheeseburger cake. It will probably come out horrendous my first try, but it would just be for fun. I love baking, and I'm good at it, so I'll step it up a bit. Who knows, if I'm good at cake art, maybe I can make some money doing that. ha, doubt it. It will be fun to experiment, none the less.



Another thing I'm excited about, this Saturday I will be doing Frankie's mom's makeup for a 1920s theme party! Inspiration? Clara Bow, of course.



Too bad there aren't any color photos, but I know how to do 1920s makeup. It's actually one of my favorite makeup styles. Very dramatic, smokey eyes. Deep red lips. Deep rose cheeks. And I love the cupid's bow lips.



This will definitely be good for my makeup portfolio. Hopefully it comes out great. Very excited for this.

ok, I'll leave you with a random song that I love...



adore Patti Smith, and her haunting, melodic music.
definitely not for everyone though haha.

<3