heartwork

your wings turned black today
but you're still in my heart
get out
get out
get out
i love you
when your wings fall off
you'll still be in my heart
i hate you.

just saying...

you could write a poem about her eyelashes alone.

<3

kissmekillme

i know you won't swallow your pride
your pride is like razors
stabbed me in the heart on more than one occasion
you can still see my scars
scars in such an intricate pattern
to make sure i will never forget the impact you had
if those scars weren't so beautiful,
i'd hate your existence
they tell a story
of incense and cigarettes and paint fumes and lipstick
the most color that has ever been in my world
and it faded back to black and white
but i love gray
gray is familiar
gray is convenient
gray is comfortable
but it was you all along
giving me life and killing me at the same time
you're detrimental to my survival
you're detrimental to my demise.

my brain ran dumb.

where did all the people i love care about go?

everyone is disappearing when i need them the most.

i love the colours of fall and spring.

summer hurts.

pumpkin ravioli is the best.

i've learned more in the past year, than i've learned in my whole life.

that's not true.

all of high school all of high school and middle school.

who knows?

if i have a daughter, she's going to have Deery Lou everything.

take me to Tokyo.

I don't want miss booze at all.

i look like young Liza Minnelli. kill me.

BIG EYES are beautiful eyes.

"breakout in a moonage daydream oh yeah"

fireworks make m3 jumpy.

change isn't always good. sometimes changing things makes it lose their nostalgia.

lomography.

the snoring is out of control.

try your hardest and prosper in this mixed up world.

kill them with kindness

lose yourself in music, art, dance, creativity.

i still have a hard time believing that i'm going to have a watermelon in my stomach, very soon. <3

my eyes hurt.

my brain ran dumb

get it?

a lie is a lie is a lie.

.realeyesrealizereallies.

wifey, come back to me.

amazetits.

pregnantbewbz.

one love

i love yew.

i love m3.

i love my bun.

<3<3<3<3

wishyouwell

don't knock me for doing the right thing
you're stuck in your ways
i'm moving forward
backward has it's strings tied to your shoes
down, that's where you're going
i'll still bid you well
and i'll still pray for you
your hatred only makes you sad
you'll figure it out
i hope you figure it out.

random like my brain

I've been on such a writing kick lately, which is great because I was suffering from writer's block for what felt like years. I mean, every once in awhile, i'd write something ill, but it was like once every few months. I dunno what inspired me, but I've been writing every day and I'll probably share some stuff on here when I get the balls to. I actually already have, but I'm not telling where. Lot's of private and disturbing stuff, but it's art to me. I would not be able to function if I couldn't write anymore, and it was pissing me off so hard when I had the writer's block. It's probably because I've been recording so much music lately, and also because I'm feeling so wonderful... yes, still.




I'm looking for a second job still, because my job is very unreliable. They'll randomly need me, and then won't need me for a week, so it's obnoxious. East West opened up in h-ton village, i may apply there. frankie and i checked it out over the weekend, and i'm liking it. we'll see what happens. if anyone knows of anywhere hiring, please do tell. preferably anything to do with makeup art, salon receptionist, or retail. tankies kindly.


This song has been in my head all day for some reason, and I have no idea why because I don't think I've listened to it in months... nevertheless, it's a goodie.




I need to start dancing a lot again. It really is my number one love and what I'm best at. I've started taking my girl's belly dancing class, which is amazing, but I can't always get there. I used to choreograph ballet, lyrical, and hiphop, so maybe I'll just dedicate at least 4 hrs a week to doing that. Plus, I'd love to lose this extra weight I gained over the winter. I do wii fit, and my boyf and I go for walks when it's nice, so that will help. But yeah, I need to get back into some dance company or something. Another reason why it sucks to live on long island again, so much more opportunity in the city for the things i love. must move back in the next 2 years. but i honestly feel the most amazing when I'm dancing. I'm so passionate about it.
I need this shirt:




so, i haven't had a phone in over a week. it just decided to stop working over easter weekend. my phone is pretty new too. i had the G1. what ended up happening is my sim card somehow got damaged. so i gave it to my boyfriend since he had a shitty old dinosaur for a phone. now they're sending me the brand new Samsung Behold II for free! I know it's lame to get excited over a cell phone, but I just feel so out of the loop. The hiatus was good though. I should take a hiatus from the internet too.



and lastly, here are some things that I'm lusting after...

Calourette Jewelry


I despise wearing brown, but I want this Emma Cook for Opening Ceremony dress... mostly because I love owls.


Shrek for OPI (so effing cute)



This romper from Obey's summer 2010 collection:


these are crazy, but i adore Jeremy Scott's work!... Jeremy Scott x Adidas Originals Mickey Hi Sneaks:



<3

waking up bugged out

I had the scariest dream last night, and when I woke up, I thought it really happened. I hate that feeling. It's so uncomfortable. But this dream, I swear, it was insane. The beginning, from what i remember, I was at some kind of benefit show and my old dance team and I were performing a hiphop dance in it. My aunt and the rest of the dance instructors were in it too. So, my dance came out dope, blahblahblah. Then my aunt's number came up. Their dance was like a hiphop/gymnastic fusion. My aunt's best friend, Carolyn was in it too. She had to do like a double back flip joint and she fell during it, and broke her neck. I saw her neck break and it like made her face completely distorted. We were all gathered around her and she said she didn't want to go to the hospital because she knew she was dying. Her kids were there, and I swear it was like one of the most horrifying dream that I've ever had. We sat there, holding her hands and watched her die. I can't get the image out of my head, of what her face and neck looked like. I don't think I should be having such lucid dreams. This totally fucked up my morning. Worst nightmare ever.

oh just talky talky

this looks dope!





Loving this song today, "Truth from Fiction"- Supreme Beings of Leisure


Pandora really is the shit!




Sharp

She cuts your soul like a kitchen blade
You'll never be able to compose your thoughts
Her fingernails digging up and down your back
The scars will be there forever
ever
ever
But you love them
They remind you of she
She left you long ago,
but still the scars will never leave
You don't know why you need her so bad
She stabbed you with her sharp tongue
She held you down with her unbreakable stare
You'll never get enough
And she was never really there


<3

square stanza

Thought this was ill... by Lewis Carroll.
can be read both ways... obviously.



<3

swallow your pride

Please do not take life for granted. I know it's cliche, but life is way too short to sweat the small stuff. Forgive and forget. Don't hold grudges. I forgive everyone who has ever wronged me, even if they aren't sorry. I've done some horrible things in the past, and i apologize to everyone that I've ever hurt. Make ammends with people, even if you aren't so fond of them. Hating on people will only weigh heavy on your heart and takes up too much negative energy. It takes more energy to hate someone, then love/like someone. When people pass away, the haters will feel just as bad as the loved ones. I had a revelation very recently, and I honestly pray for everyone I know. Even the people who may not like me or "hate" me. I cannot take anything for granted again. My time may come soon and my loved ones time may come soon, but I will be ready to be at peace with myself and everyone else. I forgive you.




RIP
my daddy, Frankie Santoriello
my aunt patricia
my grandparents and great grand parents
mr. and mrs. kirk
Richie
jeff buckley (for making music that touches my heart, like no other)
mike
rob
Cathi Muse & Angel
any of my loved ones, loved ones

<3

funk

*At a stand still
*I don't really understand this life
*I need a change of scene
*This year is all about music, art, healthfulness, and ME!
*I would like to move again as soon as possible
*I miss my wifey
*I lost 5 lbs this past week, but it's not making much of a difference
*I want a new job. Working from home is depressing.
*I need to make some music (record over fresh beats, start a band, etc) asap
*I need to learn how to only focus on the positive (i guess this post isn't proving that so much, huh?)
*I must use my skills that I excel in and do something great, like I am meant for
*I have to not let things get to me that won't matter in the grand scheme!!!!
*I must love more
*I must care more
*I must listen more intently
*I must write more
*I must read twice as much as I already do
*I must take and give good advice
*I must spoil myself (in a good way)
*I need to use the computer less than I do
*I need to keep my focus on exercising and putting only natural things into my body
*I have to keep my focus on drinking less booze (even though I've gotten exceptionally better at it already)
*I must continue to be myself!


I guess this was a sort of New Year's resolution list?
Even though, I don't usually like making those, this is more of some goals I would like to accomplish this year.

<3