Sunday, May 30, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

walking in space

My body is walking in space.
My soul is in orbit with god, face to face.
Floating, flipping.
Flying, tripping.
Tripping from Potsville to Mainline.
Tripping from Mainline to Moonville.
On a rocket to the fourth dimension.
Total self awareness, the intention.
My mind is as clear as country air.
I feel my flesh, all colors mesh.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Why do I run when i feel like holding you?

That's a very good question.

bukowski love

I Met A Genius
by Charles Bukowski

I met a genius on the train
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd


apparently Pippy gets down.

8 weeks


my next sonogram isn't until june 16th, days are draggings.
i want a sonogram every day lol.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Bit in Tribute To Graffiti: 50 Beautiful Graffiti Artworks


Pure love

Where did my insanely beautiful family come from?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

i'm going to really get it in on here for a minute. deal with it...

it was brought to my attention the other day that a certain person was shit talking the fact that I'm having a child. And even stooped to the level of talking shit ON my child. This is a HUGE no no.

I'll be the first to say that I was a totally different person not that long ago. I was immature, didn't care who i hurt, confrontational, i drank a lot, among other things. Within the last year, especially, I've learned not to sweat the small stuff. You can't help what people do or say about you, and that's fine. I find that people who dwell on the past and try to put others down so passively, are very unhappy with themselves. I was one of these people. I now try to see the good in everyone. I am the happiest that I've ever been and I'm so thankful to be who I am today. My boyfriend has taught me not to hate so hard on people, how to grow, how to be happy with myself and what I've got. He is the kindest, most unselfish man I've ever met. He is teaching me what it is like to love for real, in a healthy way, and not in an abusive way. God has blessed us with a baby in my belly and I'm so excited.


to actually go so far that you have to try to hurt someone by spewing hate towards their unborn child, is absolutely pitiful and repulsive. it just shows how much hate you are holding in your heart, whether you want to admit it or not. after a decent amount of time, you still find the need to dwell instead of moving on with your life. for that, you are truly sad and instead of hating you back, i truly pray for you every day and hope you find it in your heart to realize, there are way more important things in the world.

i will say this:
there will be absolutely NO MORE dirty talk about mine and Frankie's child and that's final. by all means, talk about me all you want, if that is what makes you feel better.

i hope you get well.



For someone who wants nothing to do with me, you sure love to bring me up a lot. <3

Sunday, May 16, 2010

best be here

If you miss this, you're a douche monster

love ridden


Love ridden, I've looked at you with the focus I gave to my birthday candles
I've wished on the lidded, blue flames under your brow
and baby, I wished for you.

Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed
and I wanna crawl in with you, but I cry instead
I want your warm, but it'll only make me colder when it's over
So I can't tonight, baby....
NO, not "baby" anymore

I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on

and in a little while

we'll only have to wave

My hand won't hold you down no more
The path is clear to follow through

I stood too long in the way of the door...

and now I'm giving up on you.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

6 week preview

first of all

I could've been a sailor, could've been a cook
A real live lover, could've been a book
I could've been a signpost, could've been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock
I could be here and now
I would be, I should be
But how?
I could have been one of these things first

I could have been your pillar, could have been your door
I could have stayed beside you, could have stayed for more.
Could have been your statue, could have been your friend,
A whole long lifetime could have been the end.
I could be yours so true
I would be, I should be through and through
I could have been
One of these things first

I could have been a whistle, could have been a flute
A real live giver, could have been a boot.
I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock.
I could be even here
I would be, I should be so near
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Little peanut

6 weeks and 1 day.

I saw the heartbeat flutter. It was amazing


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Wait up for my heart

I'm waiting for your eyes to blink just once
any sense of movement will make me feel at ease
your new life is precious
you're not here yet
pop and make your first appearance
the flashing lights embrace your face
a little bean for awhile
your heart is beating still


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Friday, May 7, 2010

just random

This made my morning:

Anything ballet is my heart. go google!


I think I'm going to start rocking my minnie mouse ears more often.

I'm serious. I love them so much. They're fun to wear, so I might as well. It would be a sight to see me 9 months preggers wearing minnie mouse ears.

I'm being random today bc I haven't really blogged much lately. deal with it. :)

I forgot how dope this video is:

So, I'm not huge on maternity clothes, but Target Maternity is soooooo adorable. I plan on only wearing dresses this summer because they're the most comfortable and I know I'll be uncomfortable quite a bit when I get further along in my pregnancy. I already over heat more than normal. Long, flowy dresses will be perfect for this summer for me. Their bathing suits are adorable too.

One thing that blows chunks, is I won't really be able to shop at for the next 8 months. wish they had a maternity or plus size section so i could still rock my style. They finally got nike up there too!

if you wanna shop there, use my rep code at checkout for 20% off
rep code: JN31115

and lastly
here is my dance party song for the day:

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Peanut baby

We had our first Sonogram this morning. So exciting. next time we should be able to hear the heartbeat, in about 2 weeks. I'm about 5.5 weeks right now. Here's the Sonogram.  the little black peanut looking dot is the Behbeh <3

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

girls i do adore

The Costume Institute Gala in New York:


.calm down my heart
don't beat so fast
don't be afraid
just once in a lifetime
no rain can wash away my tears
no wind can soothe my pain
you made me doubt, you made me fear
but now i'm not the same
you took my wife, my unborn son
torn into the deep of the ocean
i don't pretend that i love you
cause there is nothing left to lose.

This song brings back such amazing memories from when I lived in Florida in 2004.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

love always

I can't wait

I can't wait to meet you, little bun. you've only been around for about five weeks, but i love you already. this is so crazy. I can't believe i will have a mini me/Frankie in about 35 weeks. absolute insanity. I am so blessed.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Baby on the brains

So... Frankie and I are having a baby! We just found out on Friday. I'm so happy and excited. i never really thought i wanted to be a mom, But i cannot wait now. It's funny how ones point of view can change so drastically and so quickly. It's like nothing else matters and all i wanna do is do the right thing for the baby, myself, and Frankie. ugh Im so Completely content.