Thursday, December 30, 2010
i just brought my daughter to the nursery (only down the hall) for 10 o'clock checkup and decided to have her sleep there for a few hours so i can be rid of this sleep deprivation. and i've been crying my eyes out not having her here with me.
i am so exhausted, but i miss her already.
how am i ever going to leave her?
she is the most magnificent being on the planet.
i never knew i could love someone like this.
it actually hurts.
Mimi has made my life heaven on earth.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
it's only a few hours away.
in 6 hours (or 5am), I'll be leaving the house to go to the hospital...
FOR MY C-SECTION!
i cannot believe it is finally here.
my daughter will be here in about 9 hours. (my surgery is scheduled for about 7:30 am)
I want to see her beautiful face.
i'm praying for a safe operation and more importantly, Miette to be safe, healthy, and happy.
i can't even believe the end of this long road is coming to an end... but another beautiful one is just about to begin.
this whole situation changed me so much, i can hardly wrap my brain around it.
i love who i've become and i do not miss the old me at all.
i can thank it all to my daughter and god.
so blessed, it's not even able to be put into words.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I'm sitting in my baby doctor office and it's stifling in here. I mean, my body temperature is higher than normal because of the pregnancy, but the heat in here is most definitely up too high. it's like this every time. you would think it wouldn't be like that considering the majority of their patients are overheated pregnant broads.
Oh and it's snowing out now too. the cold is great, but the snow should die.
I'm just a barrel of complaints today.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
why do you believe my heart is made of glass?
that you can just smash it into a million pieces whenever you please
it doesn't work that way anymore
my new heart is a toy
I can wind it up and let it go where it wants
like those chattering teeth
I can put it in my junk drawer so nobody has access to it
except for me
and now you'll never hold my heart again
you'll never grasp anything of mine
and I'll make sure your heart is the one in shards next time.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
As I look at what I've done
the type of life that i've lived
how many things i pray the father will forgive
one situation involved a young man
he was the ocean and i was the sand
he stole my heart like a thief in the night
dulled my senses, blurred my sight
i used to love him, but now i don't
i used to love him, but now i don't.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
9 days until c-section and the birth of my beautiful daughter.
(yes, I already know she's beautiful)
my mom and grandma think I may go into labor early. I really hope that's not the case. I don't wanna go into labor. I don't think I'll be able to handle it well, what with all the anxiety that I get.
I honestly just wish that I could just sleep from now until the 28th. I don't even care about missing Christmas, as horrible as that sounds. but I'm in constant pain and discomfort. constant exhaustion. nausea. abdominal pain. rib pain. back pain. excruciating heartburn. you really do not know what heartburn is until you're pregnant. and even though I'm always tired, it's very difficult to fall and stay asleep. I wake up at least 3 to 5 times throughout the night to use the bathroom. if the temperature in the house is above 62°, I get too hot and nauseous. I can only eat a little bit at a time because there's no room in my belly anymore.
I truly don't know how women do this multiple times. we are much stronger than we are given credit to. but for real, a lot of people have been telling me that I'll miss being pregnant and will want to do it again. I really don't think that will be the case with me. It is definitely worth going through all of this because the outcome will be a beautiful baby I will be in love with. it's just insanity what pregnant women go through. I couldn't imagine doing it again. ever. plus, I would rather put all of my focus into one child. but that's just me.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
I'm updating from my phone again. I'm too lazy and it's too painful to walk up the stairs into the office to use the computer. what else is new? I wish the mac book was here.
only 11 days left until little miss Miette Aleksi will be cut out of me. haha sorry to put it that way, I'm in a bit of a moronic mood. I have to say, I am petrified. not of the actual surgery, but of not being able to move my legs and being numb below the chest. I don't know why that scares me so much. is that odd? probably. everyone is telling me it won't bother me, but I can totally see myself having a full blown panic attack as soon as I lose feeling. I swear, panic disorder will be the death of me.
I would much rather be having this c-section than be in labor for hours on end. that seriously could give me a panic attack just thinking about it too much. so weird that I would rather endure a surgery and harder recovery, but hey that's me.
I just can't wait to see that little face of hers and fall in love like never before.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I can't wait.
Hopefully it won't be too cold. I'm always overheated from being pregnant anyway.
But I would really love to do an outdoor shoot.
some inspirational photo shoots and pretty preggo art: