the real.

have you ever felt like a train is rolling over your chest?  like you can't breathe and it just won't let up.  i feel like this almost always.  my nerves are shot from this pregnancy.  i'm constantly worrying that something is going to happen to Miette or to me and I won't be able to take care of her.  Meditation hasn't been working.  Migraines have started.  so horribly, that i can't even form words.  my fingers get numb.  and i lose my peripheral vision.  and i lose my lunch, as well.  just another thing to panic about.  I want nothing more than to be blissful with my daughter and just let things be put in god's hands.  it's never that simple with me.  i wish i could truly be a birdie and fly south to rejuvinate myself for like a week, and come back refreshed and free from worry.  i don't think that i'll ever be free from worry.  this is such a bummer of a blog update, but i needed a little ventilation.  deal with it.  i just need to breathe deep.