might I be a total softy now?

still in the hospital.
i just brought my daughter to the nursery (only down the hall) for 10 o'clock checkup and decided to have her sleep there for a few hours so i can be rid of this sleep deprivation. and i've been crying my eyes out not having her here with me.
i am so exhausted, but i miss her already.
how am i ever going to leave her?
she is the most magnificent being on the planet.
i never knew i could love someone like this.
it actually hurts.
Mimi has made my life heaven on earth.
<3

Sorry, but pictures of my daughter will be flooding my blog from now on.
deal with it. ;)
<3

the most amazing feeling alive

Nothing else matters anymore.
she is everything.
<3

meet Miette Aleksi

here are a few pictures of my baby girl, Miette aka Mimi.

She is beautiful.

I'll write my whole birth story on here when I get a chance and I'm not in the hospital, but she had us worried at first. She had a lot of fluid in her lungs, which caused her to have a little trouble breathing on her own.  it's not uncommon, but you still don't want to see your child struggling.  i was a wreck at first.  they are taking wonderful care of her though and she's doing so much better.  she won't need to stay for a longer amount of time or anything.  thanking god for this one. 

the first pictures are right before and after she is born yesterday and the last few are from this morning.

she is so amazing and looks so much like her dad. i see some of me, but she's only a day old! it might take awhile.

You oughtta know

My baby girl was born this morning.
she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I'll write more tmrw,  as I am too tired to stay awake any longer.

Miette Aleksi
Dec 28, 2010
7.77 Lbs
20.5 inches
9:09 am

<3

crazy talk

well.
it's only a few hours away.
in 6 hours (or 5am), I'll be leaving the house to go to the hospital...
FOR MY C-SECTION!
i cannot believe it is finally here.
my daughter will be here in about 9 hours. (my surgery is scheduled for about 7:30 am)
I want to see her beautiful face.
i'm praying for a safe operation and more importantly, Miette to be safe, healthy, and happy.
i can't even believe the end of this long road is coming to an end... but another beautiful one is just about to begin.
this whole situation changed me so much, i can hardly wrap my brain around it.
i love who i've become and i do not miss the old me at all.
i can thank it all to my daughter and god.
so blessed, it's not even able to be put into words.
<3

yumyums

<3

the Polaroid Project: day 64

hues of Danzig?
<3

recents

randoms, birdie, xmas, famalam, art, makeup play, etc

thisbikeisapipebomb

i love listening to bands i haven't listened to in years, or forgot about.
so good.

the Polaroid Project: day 63

kind of insane that I edited this on my phone. best boots.

The Polaroid Project: day 62

Merry x
<3

The Polaroid Project: day 61

I have too many hats and scarves.
that's not even all of them.
<3

Not into it

I'm sitting in my baby doctor office and it's stifling in here. I mean, my body temperature is higher than normal because of the pregnancy, but the heat in here is most definitely up too high. it's like this every time. you would think it wouldn't be like that considering the majority of their patients are overheated pregnant broads.
Oh and it's snowing out now too. the cold is great, but the snow should die.
I'm just a barrel of complaints today.
<3

the Polaroid Project: day 60

more of last nights makeup experimentation.
<3

srs

why do you believe my heart is made of glass?
that you can just smash it into a million pieces whenever you please
it doesn't work that way anymore
my new heart is a toy
I can wind it up and let it go where it wants
like those chattering teeth
I can put it in my junk drawer so nobody has access to it
except for me
and now you'll never hold my heart again
you'll never grasp anything of mine
and I'll make sure your heart is the one in shards next time.

The Polaroid Project: day 59

new makeup makes me happy.
<3

The Polaroid Project: day 58

Cannot wait to see my daughter in this.
<3

lauryn still brings it

this song is touching something today...





As I look at what I've done
the type of life that i've lived
how many things i pray the father will forgive
one situation involved a young man
he was the ocean and i was the sand
he stole my heart like a thief in the night
dulled my senses, blurred my sight

i used to love him, but now i don't
i used to love him, but now i don't.

The Polaroid Project: day 57

Boo creep
<3

Discomfort

38 Weeks.
9 days until c-section and the birth of my beautiful daughter.
(yes, I already know she's beautiful)
my mom and grandma think I may go into labor early. I really hope that's not the case. I don't wanna go into labor. I don't think I'll be able to handle it well, what with all the anxiety that I get.
I honestly just wish that I could just sleep from now until the 28th. I don't even care about missing Christmas, as horrible as that sounds. but I'm in constant pain and discomfort. constant exhaustion. nausea. abdominal pain. rib pain. back pain. excruciating heartburn.  you really do not know what heartburn is until you're pregnant. and even though I'm always tired, it's very difficult to fall and stay asleep. I wake up at least 3 to 5 times throughout the night to use the bathroom. if the temperature in the house is above 62°, I get too hot and nauseous. I can only eat a little bit at a time because there's no room in my belly anymore.
I truly don't know how women do this multiple times. we are much stronger than we are given credit to. but for real, a lot of people have been telling me that I'll miss being pregnant and will want to do it again. I really don't think that will be the case with me. It is definitely worth going through all of this because the outcome will be a beautiful baby I will be in love with. it's just insanity what pregnant women go through. I couldn't imagine doing it again. ever. plus, I would rather put all of my focus into one child. but that's just me.
<3

The Polaroid Project: day 56

I'm being kind of vain lately. oh well.
<3

can't you see i got the yearnin?

<3

birdie gets a scare

I'm updating from my phone again. I'm too lazy and it's too painful to walk up the stairs into the office to use the computer. what else is new? I wish the mac book was here.
only 11 days left until little miss Miette Aleksi will be cut out of me. haha sorry to put it that way, I'm in a bit of a moronic mood. I have to say, I am petrified. not of the actual surgery, but of not being able to move my legs and being numb below the chest. I don't know why that scares me so much. is that odd? probably. everyone is telling me it won't bother me, but I can totally see myself having a full blown panic attack as soon as I lose feeling. I swear, panic disorder will be the death of me.
BUT,
I would much rather be having this c-section than be in labor for hours on end.  that seriously could give me a panic attack just thinking about it too much. so weird that I would rather endure a surgery and harder recovery, but hey that's me.
I just can't wait to see that little face of hers and fall in love like never before.
mad cheese.
<3

The Polaroid Project: day 55

Urban decay, dior, m.a.c.
(this is a big deal. I rarely wear makeup anymore)
<3

P.P.

Let
your
love
grow
tall
<3

The Polaroid Project: day 54

Inverted rainbow

The Polaroid Project: day 53

Preggie pops
<3

truth.

The Polaroid Project: day 52

Oh hi
<3

feather

so i'm drifting away like a feather in the air
letting my words take me away from the hurt and despair
so i'm keeping it vertical
forever elevator
riding the escalator to the something that is greater.
<3

lovin on nujabes

RIP
legendary!

preggoshoot

I'm going to be doing a pregnancy photoshoot at some point this week, taken by the talented See Are Bee.
I can't wait.
Hopefully it won't be too cold. I'm always overheated from being pregnant anyway.
But I would really love to do an outdoor shoot.

some inspirational photo shoots and pretty preggo art:













<3