the resemblance is uncanny too.
of course we all know i'm partial to Jeff.
nobody can take his place in my heart.
the voice on that man was beautiful and haunting.
will never get enough.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
like father like son
so beautiful.
the resemblance is uncanny too.
of course we all know i'm partial to Jeff.
nobody can take his place in my heart.
the voice on that man was beautiful and haunting.
will never get enough.
the resemblance is uncanny too.
of course we all know i'm partial to Jeff.
nobody can take his place in my heart.
the voice on that man was beautiful and haunting.
will never get enough.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The 26th week
Getting quite a large baby gut. I adore it. I feel her kicking and moving so much. most amazing feeling.
<3
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Fearless
She had nothing but time on her hands.
silver rings, turquoise stones, and purple nails.
I rub my thumb across her palm.
a featherbed, where slept a psalm.
<3
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
awakenings
i've been so sick for the past 2 days. bed ridden sick. not fun. i've been eating so healthy, for the most part, during my pregnancy because i want to make sure my baby girl is getting everything she needs while she's a cookin'. but yesterday morning, i fucked up. for some unknown reason, i ate a huge ass chunk of raw cookie dough. i don't know what i was thinking. i just couldn't help myself. and i enjoyed that motherfucker too. (wow, i'm not doing so well at taming my sailor mouth... a goal i want to achieve when Miette is born). anyway, god definitely punished me. that cookie dough did not agree with me in the slightest. yesterday and today was full of horrible nausea and a bit of barfing, too. horrible sleep last night due to it. but, i got to do a lot of writing and reflecting about myself and how i've changed, and i'm thankful for that. so on the bright side of being sick, i realized a lot of things and i don't regret eating myself sick, literally. it was my own fault anyway. gotta be careful when you're pregnant. no fucking around.
but anyway, i am amazed with myself at how much i've changed my life and quit being a dumb ass. i'm so proud of myself. it's not conceit, it's just happiness for myself. i mean, just a year ago, i was a raging alcoholic. didn't really care who i hurt (minus the ones who've always stayed true and the famalama). was literally tearing myself down from the inside out. i was very spiteful. if someone crossed me, i made sure they got it 10x worse. i always had a good heart, but i was just hurting so badly, i didn't care who i hurt in the process.
the past year, i've learned to forgive so many people and most importantly, myself. and getting pregnant is seriously the best thing that's ever happened to me. and i did not want a kid, at all, ever. i was way too selfish to take care of another life. if i had ever gotten pregnant, i would never get an abortion, just because it's not something i could go through, personally... but i definitely would have debated adoption in the past. but god honestly blessed me at the perfect time to get pregnant. and with someone who truly has a good heart, and cares for other people, not just himself. frankie is a god send. seriously. he's different than anyone i've ever dated. i love him so much.
anyway, my point is i'm so happy who i've become and who i'm becoming and who i will become. there are so much more important things going on than holding grudges and confrontation and deceit and purposeful hurt. though i've burned many bridges, to me they are all stepping stones and lessons and i forgive everyone whether they forgive me or not. my heart is no longer burdened. i suggest everyone try to find something in their lives to make them realize they shouldn't sweat the small stuff.
<3
but anyway, i am amazed with myself at how much i've changed my life and quit being a dumb ass. i'm so proud of myself. it's not conceit, it's just happiness for myself. i mean, just a year ago, i was a raging alcoholic. didn't really care who i hurt (minus the ones who've always stayed true and the famalama). was literally tearing myself down from the inside out. i was very spiteful. if someone crossed me, i made sure they got it 10x worse. i always had a good heart, but i was just hurting so badly, i didn't care who i hurt in the process.
the past year, i've learned to forgive so many people and most importantly, myself. and getting pregnant is seriously the best thing that's ever happened to me. and i did not want a kid, at all, ever. i was way too selfish to take care of another life. if i had ever gotten pregnant, i would never get an abortion, just because it's not something i could go through, personally... but i definitely would have debated adoption in the past. but god honestly blessed me at the perfect time to get pregnant. and with someone who truly has a good heart, and cares for other people, not just himself. frankie is a god send. seriously. he's different than anyone i've ever dated. i love him so much.
anyway, my point is i'm so happy who i've become and who i'm becoming and who i will become. there are so much more important things going on than holding grudges and confrontation and deceit and purposeful hurt. though i've burned many bridges, to me they are all stepping stones and lessons and i forgive everyone whether they forgive me or not. my heart is no longer burdened. i suggest everyone try to find something in their lives to make them realize they shouldn't sweat the small stuff.
<3
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
endingbeginning
I'm glad to bring summer to an end. It was a nice one, but way too hot... especially for a pregnant broad. had it's ups, had it's downs. never the less, i'm very grateful for this summer and making it more than halfway through my pregnancy. the pros definitely outweigh the cons of this summer. i have so much support. an amazing family, wonderful true friends, a great man and baby daddy in my life. the best man i've ever known. though sometimes i don't show it. but i adore him more than anything. and i'm so glad he is going to be the father of my child. she is going to be such a talented little one. only a little over 3 months! i can't believe it.
Miette moves around so much in my belly now. still waiting for some big ass kicks, but i always feel her swimming around in there. such a strange, but awestruck type feeling. i can't stop trying to put together the features on her face. her eye color. the shape of her nose. what color her hair will be. everything. i (not so secretly) want her to look like me, but with blue eyes, like Frankie. Whoever she looks like, she'll still be the most beautiful baby ever. <3
I need to find this costume for her:
purple carebear, perfect.
Friday, September 17, 2010
babybirdbrainz
i'm sorry, i was so adorable
haha i still make this face. my daddy as santa (rip)
my poppy, most amazing man in the world.
haha i still make this face. my daddy as santa (rip)
my poppy, most amazing man in the world.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Touched
Yesterday was an absolute day of shit. today I'm still out of it.
but I've been in an amazing mood today. yesterday's mishaps turned into today's thankfulness.
"this too shall pass".
I'm so inspired.
a real update soon.
<3
serve me
I found this survey on my facebook, from a little over a year ago. Thought it'd fill it out again. why not?
Are you satisfied with the picture on your ID card?
eh, really could care less. i had mega short hair and a chubby face.
What was the last thing you dropped?
i drop everything, so i don't remember. pregnancy has made me dumb and clumsy.
Who was the last person to give you a piggy back ride?
frankie, but before i got pregnant lol
What are your chances of getting with your crush?
i don't crush.
Where was your first job?
assistant dance teacher and assistant at a hair salon, both around the same time.
Is the song you're currently listening to being sung by a male or female?
beth from portishead <3
Where did you get the shirt that you're wearing?
hnm like 3 yrs ago, when i was living in brooklyn
Who did you last speak to on the phone?
my bestest, lauren
Do your socks constantly mis-match?
never that, huge pet peeve.
Where is your dad from?
northport
Do you enjoy dried fruit?
freeze dried strawburries and raspburries
Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into?
lauren's or my aunt's. i don't remember which bc my memory is shot like that.
Last person you talked to before bed last night?
mom in law
Short hair or longer hair on preferred sex?
depends on the person. i like frankie with short hair.
If someone texted you and said "sex?", what would you say back?
"nah, im good", unless it was frankie. but that'd be weird if he asked for sex that way.
Where were you at 1:00 am last night?
please, i'm asleep by 11 pm every night.
Do you get nervous when someone is angry and yelling around you?
nope, unless it's out of control. and i'd rather not have yelling around my unborn child.
Think about the last compliment you received, what was it on?
yesterday that i look wonderful pregnant, and i'm carrying really well.
When in a car and your at a stop light or something, do you look at people around you?
i have a pretty bad staring problem
When it comes down to it, are you able to filter/control your emotions?
well, i'm definitely more emotional at this point, but i think i have an excuse. no?
Are you your mom's favorite child?
i'm her only
How can people tell if you're in a bad mood?
oh, it's obvious. i don't hide it.
Do you ever get "good morning" texts from anyone?
sure do
Have the police ever arrived to a party that you were at?
that happened a lot
Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
i'm pretty open, i'll usually let them know i'm bothered
Do you have a foul mouth?
yes. trying to tame it.
Do you lick your plate when you're finished eating?
that's not right.
Were you single on Valentine's Day?
oddly enough, i don't think i've ever been single on valentine's day.
What was something you always got in trouble for as a kid?
talking too much and doing my own thing
When's the last time you had a bloody nose?
i get them like once a week. the perks of being pregnant. i'm also blind now, and constantly tired.
What's the last thing you burned yourself on?
cup of tea
What do you prefer skittles or starburst?
fizzy skittles like a muhfuh
Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
yeah, i'm not a fan
When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off?
laugh hysterically. i know how to make fun of myself. unless, i am seriously injured.
Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
of course
Have you ever screamed in the shower?
why come? i sing in there on the daily though.
What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?
lips, especially if i'm anxious
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty hair?
i have to say, my hair does usually look really good.
What was the last picture you uploaded on photobucket?
who cares? i don't know.
What's the name of your sibling's significant other, and do you like them?
mandi's fiance is named dean. i like him.
Would you rather have a smoothie or milkshake?
smoothie 24/7. i make them so good. jamba juice has nothin on me.
Do you hate it when you go over someone's house and do absolutely nothing?
if i was in the mood to do something, fer sher
What is on your bed right now?
blankets, pillows, my boppy pregnancy pillow, journal, clicker
Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
toothache
Are you jealous of your siblings?
envy is a sin
How old were you when you first realized what sex was?
4th grade? and i still think it's gross.
How much longer until your birthday?
5 months. my babygirl will be almost 2 months! crazy
Last time you smiled because you got a text? What did it say?
last night. my mom in law is the sweetest.
What's the best thing that happened to you today?
woke up not in pain, made a chai latte, and did prenatal yoga. good morning.
Has anyone said you have changed lately?
yes, a lot of people. for the better. i've turned my whole life around. i have this little bun in my oven to thank.
Do you find it in your heart to forgive and forget?
always forgive, but it's hard to forget.
Have you ever tried Gatorade?
am i alive?
How long should a couple be together before saying the L word?
when they feel it... but a lot of people do rush that shit. i've definitely been guilty of rushing it too, but i know better now.
Is there really ANYTHING enjoyable about Winter?!
less humidity = good hair. oh, plus i enjoy winter clothes.
Would being in the woods at night freak you out?
if i was alone, maybe
When is the last time you wore a dress?
yesterday. i wear dresses most of the time. they're the most comfortable right now.
Do you talk to your friends about your *very personal* life?
i'm an open book
Do you wish people would just be confident enough to open up?
some people, otherwise i could give a shit
Do you own a video camera? What about a webcam?
web camera
Favorite thing to see at the zoo/aquarium?
sea lions, walrus, monkey
Was your first kiss special?
haha nah, it was spin the bottle
Do you try to find the beauty in everyday, average people?
lately, yes. it wasn't always like that.
What's your natural hair color?
very dark brown
Which celebrity do you want to marry?
jeff buckley, if he was still alive. maybe portia de rossi or amanda blank.
Has one of your best friends ever moved away?
yes, my bestest, but she moved back :)
Is it okay for someone your "talking" to to have sex with some one else?
not at this point.
Have you ever been called a bitch?
of course. and i definitely was one.
Does it annoy you when people say they'll call but never do?
only if i need to talk to them, otherwise, i hate the phone.
Have you ever had stitches?
yes like 10x
Do you wear makeup?
uh huhs, but much less than i used to. really only mascara and blush.
Do you think you are a good person?
i can honestly say that i've become a good person. i definitely fall off sometimes, but i'm working on it.
Have you ever cried uncontrollably on a friend's shoulder?
i was probably drunk
If someone is doing something that pisses you off, do you tell them?
100% of the time.
Has anyone ever said to you, "You're going down the wrong path"?
oh how clueless i was
Have you ever cried during a movie?
always
Any current scabs or bruises?
i have a lovely bruise on my face from like 10 novocain shots yesterday.
Ever tripped over your own feet?
yeah, more often since being preg.
How long has it been since you took vitamins?
i take them every night. prenatal.
Would you consider permanent make-up?
no. just normal tattoos. lots of them.
What do you think is the perfect age to start having children?
when you're ready and have enough loot and with someone who is down. i think i'm at the perfect age. 26.
Are you saving your money for any big purchase right now?
just saving, in general. to take care of Miette Aleksi Santoriello.
What's your favorite color gummy bear?
clear haribo
Ever go camping?
not so much a fan, only bc i need to shower like a normal person. i do like getting dirty and roughing it, but not for 2 days straight.
Do you have a tan?
faded
What color is your watch?
i despise watches. you'll never see me wearing one.
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
my new boots, one of my blazers, my yellow freestyles, and my dunks
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
that doesn't matter.
Do you act differently around the person you like?
that's lame
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
care not
Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it?
hahahahahaha yes actually, and i tattooed it on them, just for fun. they got it covered.
Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
nope, it's an amazing asymmetrical cut that my girl tara did. the right side is just below my collar bone.
Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
i hate tongue rings. i finally got mine out. so gross.
If you go through your inbox what name do you see the most?
haha lots of baby and pregnancy emails
Would you ever get matching tattoo's with anyone?
i have before, i will again
Do you have any famous cousins?
nah
Are you a vegetarian?
i like chicken way too much
What did you do today?
we went over this.
<3
Are you satisfied with the picture on your ID card?
eh, really could care less. i had mega short hair and a chubby face.
What was the last thing you dropped?
i drop everything, so i don't remember. pregnancy has made me dumb and clumsy.
Who was the last person to give you a piggy back ride?
frankie, but before i got pregnant lol
What are your chances of getting with your crush?
i don't crush.
Where was your first job?
assistant dance teacher and assistant at a hair salon, both around the same time.
Is the song you're currently listening to being sung by a male or female?
beth from portishead <3
Where did you get the shirt that you're wearing?
hnm like 3 yrs ago, when i was living in brooklyn
Who did you last speak to on the phone?
my bestest, lauren
Do your socks constantly mis-match?
never that, huge pet peeve.
Where is your dad from?
northport
Do you enjoy dried fruit?
freeze dried strawburries and raspburries
Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into?
lauren's or my aunt's. i don't remember which bc my memory is shot like that.
Last person you talked to before bed last night?
mom in law
Short hair or longer hair on preferred sex?
depends on the person. i like frankie with short hair.
If someone texted you and said "sex?", what would you say back?
"nah, im good", unless it was frankie. but that'd be weird if he asked for sex that way.
Where were you at 1:00 am last night?
please, i'm asleep by 11 pm every night.
Do you get nervous when someone is angry and yelling around you?
nope, unless it's out of control. and i'd rather not have yelling around my unborn child.
Think about the last compliment you received, what was it on?
yesterday that i look wonderful pregnant, and i'm carrying really well.
When in a car and your at a stop light or something, do you look at people around you?
i have a pretty bad staring problem
When it comes down to it, are you able to filter/control your emotions?
well, i'm definitely more emotional at this point, but i think i have an excuse. no?
Are you your mom's favorite child?
i'm her only
How can people tell if you're in a bad mood?
oh, it's obvious. i don't hide it.
Do you ever get "good morning" texts from anyone?
sure do
Have the police ever arrived to a party that you were at?
that happened a lot
Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
i'm pretty open, i'll usually let them know i'm bothered
Do you have a foul mouth?
yes. trying to tame it.
Do you lick your plate when you're finished eating?
that's not right.
Were you single on Valentine's Day?
oddly enough, i don't think i've ever been single on valentine's day.
What was something you always got in trouble for as a kid?
talking too much and doing my own thing
When's the last time you had a bloody nose?
i get them like once a week. the perks of being pregnant. i'm also blind now, and constantly tired.
What's the last thing you burned yourself on?
cup of tea
What do you prefer skittles or starburst?
fizzy skittles like a muhfuh
Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
yeah, i'm not a fan
When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off?
laugh hysterically. i know how to make fun of myself. unless, i am seriously injured.
Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
of course
Have you ever screamed in the shower?
why come? i sing in there on the daily though.
What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?
lips, especially if i'm anxious
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty hair?
i have to say, my hair does usually look really good.
What was the last picture you uploaded on photobucket?
who cares? i don't know.
What's the name of your sibling's significant other, and do you like them?
mandi's fiance is named dean. i like him.
Would you rather have a smoothie or milkshake?
smoothie 24/7. i make them so good. jamba juice has nothin on me.
Do you hate it when you go over someone's house and do absolutely nothing?
if i was in the mood to do something, fer sher
What is on your bed right now?
blankets, pillows, my boppy pregnancy pillow, journal, clicker
Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
toothache
Are you jealous of your siblings?
envy is a sin
How old were you when you first realized what sex was?
4th grade? and i still think it's gross.
How much longer until your birthday?
5 months. my babygirl will be almost 2 months! crazy
Last time you smiled because you got a text? What did it say?
last night. my mom in law is the sweetest.
What's the best thing that happened to you today?
woke up not in pain, made a chai latte, and did prenatal yoga. good morning.
Has anyone said you have changed lately?
yes, a lot of people. for the better. i've turned my whole life around. i have this little bun in my oven to thank.
Do you find it in your heart to forgive and forget?
always forgive, but it's hard to forget.
Have you ever tried Gatorade?
am i alive?
How long should a couple be together before saying the L word?
when they feel it... but a lot of people do rush that shit. i've definitely been guilty of rushing it too, but i know better now.
Is there really ANYTHING enjoyable about Winter?!
less humidity = good hair. oh, plus i enjoy winter clothes.
Would being in the woods at night freak you out?
if i was alone, maybe
When is the last time you wore a dress?
yesterday. i wear dresses most of the time. they're the most comfortable right now.
Do you talk to your friends about your *very personal* life?
i'm an open book
Do you wish people would just be confident enough to open up?
some people, otherwise i could give a shit
Do you own a video camera? What about a webcam?
web camera
Favorite thing to see at the zoo/aquarium?
sea lions, walrus, monkey
Was your first kiss special?
haha nah, it was spin the bottle
Do you try to find the beauty in everyday, average people?
lately, yes. it wasn't always like that.
What's your natural hair color?
very dark brown
Which celebrity do you want to marry?
jeff buckley, if he was still alive. maybe portia de rossi or amanda blank.
Has one of your best friends ever moved away?
yes, my bestest, but she moved back :)
Is it okay for someone your "talking" to to have sex with some one else?
not at this point.
Have you ever been called a bitch?
of course. and i definitely was one.
Does it annoy you when people say they'll call but never do?
only if i need to talk to them, otherwise, i hate the phone.
Have you ever had stitches?
yes like 10x
Do you wear makeup?
uh huhs, but much less than i used to. really only mascara and blush.
Do you think you are a good person?
i can honestly say that i've become a good person. i definitely fall off sometimes, but i'm working on it.
Have you ever cried uncontrollably on a friend's shoulder?
i was probably drunk
If someone is doing something that pisses you off, do you tell them?
100% of the time.
Has anyone ever said to you, "You're going down the wrong path"?
oh how clueless i was
Have you ever cried during a movie?
always
Any current scabs or bruises?
i have a lovely bruise on my face from like 10 novocain shots yesterday.
Ever tripped over your own feet?
yeah, more often since being preg.
How long has it been since you took vitamins?
i take them every night. prenatal.
Would you consider permanent make-up?
no. just normal tattoos. lots of them.
What do you think is the perfect age to start having children?
when you're ready and have enough loot and with someone who is down. i think i'm at the perfect age. 26.
Are you saving your money for any big purchase right now?
just saving, in general. to take care of Miette Aleksi Santoriello.
What's your favorite color gummy bear?
clear haribo
Ever go camping?
not so much a fan, only bc i need to shower like a normal person. i do like getting dirty and roughing it, but not for 2 days straight.
Do you have a tan?
faded
What color is your watch?
i despise watches. you'll never see me wearing one.
Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
my new boots, one of my blazers, my yellow freestyles, and my dunks
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
that doesn't matter.
Do you act differently around the person you like?
that's lame
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
care not
Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it?
hahahahahaha yes actually, and i tattooed it on them, just for fun. they got it covered.
Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
nope, it's an amazing asymmetrical cut that my girl tara did. the right side is just below my collar bone.
Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
i hate tongue rings. i finally got mine out. so gross.
If you go through your inbox what name do you see the most?
haha lots of baby and pregnancy emails
Would you ever get matching tattoo's with anyone?
i have before, i will again
Do you have any famous cousins?
nah
Are you a vegetarian?
i like chicken way too much
What did you do today?
we went over this.
<3
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Virtuous
If there's one thing I need to do, it's work on channeling my patience.
I'm getting better by the moment.
my biggest downfall must be my most beautiful virtue.
<3
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
bird song
I've been playing so much music for my cooking baby bun and she's been starting to move around so much in response. I really only play soothing, melodic music for her. a lot of jeff buckley, radiohead, prince, maxwell, john frusciante, bjork, elliot smith, and a butt load more. we all know Jeff is my favorite though. I'm not too keen on all those baby einstein type music compilations. they are expensive and really only bought for the name. I own at least 8,000 tracks on my pc, not to mention on the boyfs mac book, so I'm sure we'll do fine. music is my life and I want to make sure it touches my daughter's heart as it does mine. <3
feel free to recommend some music I should be playing for the baby. but please refrain from any mainstream top 40 blasphemy. :)
Unsettling
Waking up in the middle of the night with a bad feeling is very nerve racking.
I hope my intuition is NOT on point tonight.
anxious is not the word.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
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